Apointment with OB 1/8/09

Well, anxiety was high, emotions a mess. Appointment with Dr. O today.

Drove over there from work. My body hurting all over. I am so tired of the stress. My head feels like it will explode.

The office is at the hospital, so i have to find a place to park in the parking garage, and then walk into the "professional" building side of the hospital. the waiting room thankfully is not that full. I try not to look around. The receptionist want's to know why I am there, what do I say? I reply "a follow up vist". Once I am signed in, thank god I barely sat down when the nurse calls my name to go back.

So there I am and nurse asks me "why I am there" I state, a follow up. We do the weight, pulse and pressure routine. And I return to sitting in the visitor chair. That is one think I have learned in dealing with doctors. DO NOT sit on the exam table. It puts you in the position of patient from the minute they walk in. So I am sitting there, waiting, (ok, playing a game on my phone, which i find is really usefull when you have to do a lot of waiting, {I wore out one touch screen during Madeline's pregnancy with all the waiting room wating I did}).

She walks in and asks "how are you doing". I reply with "First, let me give you the disclaimer, I am in the anger stage of loss dealing. And I am just really angry at the world, you happen to be walking upon it in close range to me, so I apologize in advance if I say something inapropriate or come off hostile". She just smiles and states 'ok. noted'. She looks over my file real quick and starts up with, well we can schedule a D&C. I tell her nope. No thank you. She asks me why. I tell her that I have had a D&C in the past and it was hell. I had to wait a week and a half to have surgery, they told me they would not need to intubate me, and I woke up coughing up blood clots, bruising on my jaw. Found out only after I asked three days later that "I was fighting them, and they had to sedate me deeper" I also developed a UTI from their catheter use. Told her the Tylenol was not a good pain pill for post scraped out uterus. Told her that I ended up having PTSD after the surgery, and became fixated on what was done to me while unconcious.

She stated that waiting was an option, and proceeded to list the risks associated : infection, heavy bleeding, retained products of conception, infection resulting in hysterectomy, emergency D&C, etc. I then countered with the risks of a D&C, infection, perforation, scarring, heavy bleeding, retained POC, with the added risks of anesthesia on top, blood clots, reactions to anesthetic, cardiac arrest, emboilsim. etc.

I reminded her that this is not the first time I have done this. I have had one D&C and then three natural miscarriages, one being at 12 weeks. No complications from any of them. She stated I was an informed consumer, and knew what I was talking about.

We agreed to work together. She if I wanted would look up the medical abortion cocktail (she does not do abortions, so does not know what it is, but is willing to look it up) and would support me through that. Only wishing that I start the medications on a Monday so if I needed emergency surgery, she could do it. We decided that if I changed my mind, that I could come back in and schedule surgery. We both agreed that we would re-asses the situation after two weeks has gone by.

She then wanted to know if I have thought about birth control. If I "Ever wanted to do this again". I really was not ready for that discussion, and told her that emotionally I am not in a place to discuss this topic. That I want to get through this and then go from there. I told her that it took me three years to consider having another go at pregnancy after my ordeal with Madeline. She started talking about sterilization, long term birth control options. My response was, DH and I have been able to deal with my fertility for years now without birth control, we can handle it now thank you.

So we left on good terms. She believes in "hug therapy" so I was given a big hug. She is a good OB (as OB's come) a bit short sighted, but if I had to pick one for GYN issues, she would be it. Her practice does not "do" VBAC's and neither does the hospital attached. So that is the main reason I will not choose them for my prenatal care.

So that is that. It was not as bad as I had made it out to be. And in the end I felt a little better.