The invisible pain

The invisible pain. Why do I write this? Because miscarriage is a lonely beast. It is an event that seems outside of the realm of day to day life. Something intangible.

I wrote something similar about how I felt about dealing with my emotions after my cesarean. It seems that because my pain is not visible, not obvious to people, that somehow it is negated. In context of a cesarean, where you are split hip to hip, your abdominal muscles torn apart, you are disabled (for a while, the time of healing differing from person to person). But no one sees this, no one cares, it is as if it was not there. Yet if you have a gaping wound on your arm, using crutches, people sympathise, people offer help. But with a cesarean wound, you suffer alone.

And miscarriage is like that. It seems that no one else gets it. No one else understands the depth of the pain, the loss. To me others cannot relate, because it is not like they ever met the person you lost. They never saw them, they never touched them. Yet we touched them, we nurtured them within us. But somehow it is less than a death. Less tangible.

Are we entitled to bereavement time from work for a miscarriage? no.

I had a nurse at my RE's office state "well you should be glad it was so early, it was not even really a baby yet". OK SO WHAT THE F WAS IT?!?

People. If you just don't get it, don't say anything.