And Aunt Flo is in the house!

Wow, it is so strange, my feelings about AF this time.. Not the first time i felt this way either...

It seems when I am TTC, each time AF makes her visit, I get dissapointed, depressed, and feel like a failure. That another month of my ticking clock has gone by, with yet more dissapointment and no hope of a baby.

Yet I find myself relieved and somehow uplifted when AF arrives after a loss. Yes, some days the bleeding is a reminder of the loss I had, a painful reminder that I am bleeding instead of growing bigger and waiting to feel my bean wiggle...

But the other emotions that come into play are there as well!

The feeling like the waiting for things to become a new "normal" has come to fruition. That my body has healed itself and continued the cycle of life. That I am not broken, that the miscarriage with or without surgery did not damage me beyond repair. That somehow I bleed again.. My body starting fresh all over, a new womb environment.

It also carries with it an optomisim that yes, these past months sucked, but does not mean the next will repeat that theme. Sort of a spring cleaning of body and mind.

I have also updated my ticker, because it is true, I feel like I am moving on, a new cycle, the completion of my miscarriage. My body has moved on, now I just have to make sure my mind moves with it!

So, now if I could just tell AF to lay off the cramps, I would enjoy this moment a bit more!